BENEFITS OF LASIK SURGERY ON NFL REFEREES
Good Grief! With the recent uproar about poor NFL Referee calls, our office is considering a special sale for all NFL referee eye correction surgery procedures. (Actually, we’re just kidding about having a sale, but it would be the least we could do for the 2012 NFL season – even though our beloved Seahawks benefited from one of those bad calls.) So in case any current or former referees are surfing the web, looking for LASIK eye surgery information, this post is for you guys!
5 Ways NFL Referees Could Benefit From LASIK Surgery
- Keep Your Eye on the Ball. Isn’t this the basic tenet of sporting events in which a ball is used to score points? For heaven’s sake, if you can’t see the ball, you can’t do a good refereeing job. If the football has become a mere faded blur in the sky, it’s time for you to get in to your local eye doctor and have your eyes checked. Something as simple as LASIK surgery will have you back on the field, making legitimate calls, in no time. No more booing fans! (In fact, as soon as we wind up our pretend LASIK sale for NFL referees, we might start lobbying about the importance of annual eye exams for ALL sports officials. What do you think?)
- Ditch the Glasses. It seems like a fair weather day is rare in the football world. When the season starts, it can be hot and humid at many stadiums, which means the glasses keep fogging up and slipping down a referee’s nose no matter what they do. The next thing you know, we’re all straining to see the field through white blankets of snow, which means the combination of warm skin and outside moisture still makes for foggy and slippery eye glass conditions. Get LASIK eye surgery and ditch your annoying high-maintenance eye glasses.
- FYI: Corneas Shouldn’t be Shaped Like a Football. We know you NFL referees love footballs: football key chains, football clocks, your entire world is comprised of footballs. Don’t let your cornea become a part of your football collection. Did you know that blurry vision can be due to an astigmatism? This means the cornea is not the sphere that it should be. Sometimes, corneas look a little more oblong – like a football – which doesn’t allow the light to focus on the rear of the retina like it should. This means you might see two footballs on the field, and make a baaaaad call. Eye correction surgery will fix you right up.
- Sacred NFL Referee Hand Signals. Hey, buddy! Look over there! The Ref across the field is signing something to you! What? You can’t see it? Hellooooo? He’s waving his arms and jabbing quick finger and hand combinations at you like crazy. You still can’t see it? Yikes! This might be a sign that it’s time to look into eye correction surgery. The secret hand signals won’t be so secret anymore when your fellow referee has to run up to the announcer’s microphone and tell you what he’s trying to say.
- Read the Right Jersey Numbers. Uh-oh. You could have sworn that jersey said 16 when really it was number 76. Or perhaps you just called a foul on player number 10, when in fact the bad guy was player number 18. This is what happens when our vision gets blurry. Those round numbers and straight lines can start to do tricky things. 4s become 9s and 8s become 0s. And now your reputation is on the line. Don’t worry. A pre-operative exam will help to uncover whether or not you’re a good candidate for LASIK eye correction surgery. If so, those embarrassing number snafus will be NFL history.
Help save the NFL Season – encourage your favorite NFL referee to get LASIK Surgery today!